dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
