Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
