There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Randomize
