New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
