once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize