I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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