I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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