if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
