Can i not drive my cunt home
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
