Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize