I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
