just tell him i said nine months
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
