So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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