either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
