I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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