I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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