I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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