I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize