my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
