this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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