she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
