TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize