i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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