thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Sober January is a disaster.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
