The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
