I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
We smell like vodka and hangover
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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