also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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