brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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