You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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