dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
