It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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