dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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