he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
