apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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