I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
