Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
