I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
