I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
