I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
pray to the hookup gods
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
