Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
