if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
