Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize