For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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