I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
