At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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