i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
