Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
