I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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