So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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