i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
