her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
