honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
