weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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