He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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