I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize