dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
