Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
