Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
