fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
