i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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