so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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