Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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