He asked to "fluff my boner.."
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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