Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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