I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
