so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize