you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
