She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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