I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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