Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
