I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
