i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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