you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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