At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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